Eric Paul Shaffer's last comments on poems and poets
(6/8/2007 8:16:00 PM)
Jefferson, you are so, like, totally metaphorical. Similely speaking, you are like a very humorous and funny and amusing guy, and your poems always remind me why I read poems on this site-because yours are good, thoughtful, literary, and insightful. Thanks for the, like, lift.
(6/8/2007 8:02:00 PM)
Nice work, Sherrie. The best part is the understatement of the ending-you really pulled that off. I think the situation is a little unclear at the beginning-but by the time we reach the end all things fall into place. As usual, I hope for a 10% reduction in revision (as I do in my waistline) , and I agree with the comments above about line breaks. Line Breaks can be powerful things; break where YOU want to, not where the machine wraps the line. Choosing a place to break may include suspense, balance, and surprise, so look for places you can do that for the reader. As always, your eye for details is infallible. Thanks for a good poem.
(5/18/2007 1:14:00 PM)
Many good lines here-'life and liquor' stands out as a catchy phrase, too. You know me, Sherrie, I always appreciate a 10% reduction in any poem, and I think this one can stand it. The brilliance here is that the poet overlooks the most important fact. I might underplay that at the end and let the reader figure it out and also reduce the narrator's presence a very slight bit. I love the dialogue. I really like this poem.