I am tired, exhausted after reading it. Flood of words, thoughts and bloody imagery and metaphors (avoid the use of blood related words if you targeting western audience. It is a cultural perception; do not force it or deny it.) I though it is the third world war. This style is middle east/golf style and the audience is addicted to a direct streaming. I think some control of flow will add a tremendous beauty to your poem. Some drops of positivism are needed; one dropp of sadness can make the difference. This poem can also bias the reader curiosity about the other poems. i see if you use the same potential you have –I think you have a lot of it- to read it by yourself in different moment and rewrite –tweak it- for the very educated or the very unfortunate, for the lover or the unfortunate, the politician and the unfortunate, and for richer and the tax payer. I think, you have as much as vocabulary as Nizar Kabani but I rather like to see you with Adonis style.