This is a very sad poem, it breaks my heart for those who have this addiction. Cocaine is a devil, that will steal you away, I know because I also had a bout with it, at a time when my life had fallen apart. I suppose it takes people in different ways and down different roads, because even though I feel as if cocaine was my lowest point in life, I still never went the places this woman went for it. I quickly figured my own route on how to obtain the cocaine I wanted to do. I never took from my family, nor slept with anyone for it, and only once did I rip someone off for their cash in order to obtain it, and I justified that by saying, shes ripped off half the town, so what does it matter, which was true but that still didnt make it right. It took me awhile of watching everyone I knew eventually ending up on cocaine, to realize this was a drug that was slowly taking over, and that scared me, and I told myself, 'there is no way this drug is going to be stronger than I am, and if I admit defeat to it, then it has me. That was the start of my recovery from this terrible addiction. The best part of this story is that, while sinling so deep into cocaines clutches, one night I was looking into the sky and I thought to myself 'I am so far away from God that I don't even have a right to ask Him for anything anymore.' From that one thought, God knew what to do, that night as I slept, (and it had been several days since I had) I had a dream, it had nothing to do with God whatsoever, yet when I woke up, I knew God had spoke to me, and I knew exactly what he had said to me. No audible voice, nothing in my dream pertaining to God, yet through this dream He spoke to me, for the first and only time that He has ever spoke directly to me. There was and is no doubt of this. There is however more to the story, but not enough space and maybe the wrong area to go into full detail, so making a long story shorter, When I was at my lowest point in life thinking I deserved nothing, He, our God, reached out and picked me up and let me know, I was still good and worthy of a better life, and that there was a way out of the tortures of cocaine addiction...If interested in the rest of the story, send me a message and I proudly tell you just how good God is and where my life went after that...You can escape..
I too have had my trust broken by someone i loved very much, i tried to learn to trust that person again, b/c i loved them to much to let them go. But they never really tried to give me much reason to trust them again, other than saying 'im sorry' and before long, doing the same thing over again, therefore i never gained my trust back. And eventually, we lost one another, , resulting in my heart having a wall around it, thus changing my life forever. I went through numerous years alone, only dating a couple of times but never being able to get close to anyone. Then one day I met my man Scott, I felt my wall crumbling, so i let my feelings show and he made a statement to me, that i took the wrong way, b/c of my own confusion, and in him doing that, i quickly threw my wall back up. I continued in the relationship, thinking that as long as i didnt 'need' him, and only wanted him, then if he went away it couldnt hurt me. Well I've made a couple of mistakes through our relationship, all the while this man was loving me with all he had. After 6 yrs. of my running from love with him, (not realizing i was) I finally gave in to the fact that i did need him in my life and i began to accept that it was ok to love him. But by this time he had a wall built himself. As I was taking mine down, he was building his up. Resulting in me, almost losing him. Well at the present, I have been trying for almost 2 yrs now to say and show that i am sorry for ever hurting him, and have done everything i know to show him that i love him now with my all. His trust in me is gone. I have offered any and everything, whatever it will take, to show him he doesnt have to ever worry about not trusting me, and all i want is to love this man with the love he has always deserved, but that i wasnt able to give, until now. He says his heart is still in love with me, but that i have his head very messed up. And I understand completely. My question is- what does it take for one to gain their trust back? I am standing here before him, with open arms, wanting to do whatever it will take for him to know he can trust me, and however long it takes to gain it back is ok, but Im still human and I need to be able to see alittle of something getting better, i need to see that we are rebuilding our relationship. Yet for a year now it has stayed the same, and he will only say he's trying, or that he's just messed up right now. Any ideas, on what might help? Any advice will be highly appreciated.......Gena *n* GA...ps your poem is great!