excact words write from ure heart not ure pleasuer well that too but sex is not poetic not like this and well u should bewear who u ask to read im sure some parents will get pissed u know how they are but yeah write in ryth visti my page read my poems tell me what u think
'''Mallory Burr (1/4/2010 10: 55: 00 PM)
u asked me to read this to make u a better writer.
first tip: dont be a whore.
second: rhym your words, thats mindless babiling with enters periods and some commas.
third: write about something thts actually poetic, sex is not. how many famous sex poems are there?
im aware poetry doesnt have to rhym or have rythm, but to me, its just talking with extra enters.''''
in my opinion i like to give less and show more in my poems dont describe a scenery or say an opinion people are here to read and learn about you not to learn how things work its very well written though good job keep up the good work
i hate being technical but in my aspect ure missing some rhythmic skills follow the pattern dont use big words to impress readers use words dat rhyme and tell ure story but its truly a good pice a sad story kind makes u sound like a murderer well at least the person in the story but its ok in my opinion. but one wise girl told me 'we all go through things but the important thing is to treasure wat we have luv kellie' my gf dont live in sorrow dont think ure a burden ure a bright mind put it to work get busy get rich get a hobby dont live in the darkness cuz in the light well we got cookies lol cheer up kido