Members Profile


Bri Edwards
Bri Edwards redwood city / United States, Male, 67
Profession :
retired usps clerk
Education :
quit college
Stage
7,853 Points

About Me : I think one of my high school English teachers gave me the only D I ever got on a postcard [gee, over a year after writing this bio i i have gone to edit it and find ... more »

Bri Edwards's last comments on poems and poets

  • POEM: Ph: Oklahoma: Father: Hidey Holes by Brian Johnston (4/27/2015 9:26:00 PM)

    i found one definition for suss out which works here; i was unfamiliar with the phrase. must be some ignorant Oklahoma talk!

    suss out: keep an eye on, watch over, watch, observe, follow - follow with the eyes or the mind
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    i was trying to follow the first stanza when it hit me: BJ is working on a complicated rhyme scheme. no wonder it is a bit funny to my mind (the text) . but ok, enough............, so far. i must be brilliant (brilliant bri guy) .

    It’s sloping back rest left a child sized retreat
 ...yeah, we had one i think, with the feet. you mean you hid between the outside of the sloping tub end and the wall, right? but drop the d++n apostrophe in It's; it should be Its, of course! ! ! apostrophe in subsequent Mom's is alright!

    favorite lines so far:

    “It’s sloping back rest left a child sized retreat

    That served me quite well until seven or eight.

    When arguments scared me or Mom’s tears would fall

    My cave offered shelter away from it all.

    A chance for the terrors of day to abate,
    
A child that’s not seen is quite hard to mistreat, ” …………. and nice rhymes!

    “folks’ “, for goodness sake [or is it goodness’s sake or goodness’ sake? I can’t know EVERYTHING! ! ! ]

    “………….scared me today……..” Without the comma after “me”, I misread this the first time, thinking something had scared you the day you wrote the poem, but that didn’t make a lot of sense. :)

    who was “naked” with you in that closet, boy? !

    “shelves/dissolves”…sort of a ‘visual rhyme’ at least!

    defense/innocence …… very nice!

    I especially liked:
    “While word of an adult can seal an affair,
    And a small child convict, who should be plaintiff.” …
    …..”GUILTY AS CHARGED! SEAL HIM UP! ”
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    FAVORITE stanza, by far:

    “If you are a parent please try to be true,
    Have faith in son’s training, trust him to do right,
    Your child’s not a stranger, don’t treat him as one,
    Don’t teach him to think and then childhood forbid.
    I might have been boy but was never a kid.
    Yes, such a good father, you killed so much fun,
    As your Dad before you, day work, and sleep night.
    But whatever happens I won’t be like you.” …. GREAT! for message AND rhyme scheme! !
    [this poem belongs in my next ‘showcase’. do you agree? ]

    the last stanza: “I Honor The Man” could have been the title, but you also make it “AWFULly clear” that a great “Dad” he wasn’t. MY father was perhaps very similar [though he was a clerk and did not create jobs, but kept track of and paid the workers]. but my Mom was great as a Mom, and I had church and scouts, and sports and nature, AND, luckily I did not miss the ‘affection’ I never got from my Dad. [he did toss a ball around a bit with us; maybe after having 3 kids already, he was wearing down any ‘affection’ he had for his kids. Luckily I WAS a kid. I’m sorry you missed out! ! ]
    From a little you’ve told me, you have no children, but you reach out to help non-relatives in need. God, I mean Good, for you! !

    bri :)

  • POEM: Ph: Oklahoma: Father: Hidey Holes by Brian Johnston (4/27/2015 9:22:00 PM)

    i found one definition for suss out which works here; i was unfamiliar with the phrase. must be some ignorant Oklahoma talk!

    suss out: keep an eye on, watch over, watch, observe, follow - follow with the eyes or the mind
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    i was trying to follow the first stanza when it hit me: BJ is working on a complicated rhyme scheme. no wonder it is a bit funny to my mind (the text) . but ok, enough............, so far. i must be brilliant (brilliant bri guy) .

    It’s sloping back rest left a child sized retreat
 ...yeah, we had one i think, with the feet. you mean you hid between the outside of the sloping tub end and the wall, right? but drop the d++n apostrophe in It's; it should be Its, of course! ! ! apostrophe in subsequent Mom's is alright!

    favorite lines so far:

    “It’s sloping back rest left a child sized retreat

    That served me quite well until seven or eight.

    When arguments scared me or Mom’s tears would fall

    My cave offered shelter away from it all.

    A chance for the terrors of day to abate,
    
A child that’s not seen is quite hard to mistreat, ” …………. and nice rhymes!

    “folks’ “, for goodness sake [or is it goodness’s sake or goodness’ sake? I can’t know EVERYTHING! ! ! ]

    “………….scared me today……..” Without the comma after “me”, I misread this the first time, thinking something had scared you the day you wrote the poem, but that didn’t make a lot of sense. :)

    who was “naked” with you in that closet, boy? !

    “shelves/dissolves”…sort of a ‘visual rhyme’ at least!

    defense/innocence …… very nice!

    I especially liked:
    “While word of an adult can seal an affair,
    And a small child convict, who should be plaintiff.” …
    …..”GUILTY AS CHARGED! SEAL HIM UP! ”
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    FAVORITE stanza, by far:

    “If you are a parent please try to be true,
    Have faith in son’s training, trust him to do right,
    Your child’s not a stranger, don’t treat him as one,
    Don’t teach him to think and then childhood forbid.
    I might have been boy but was never a kid.
    Yes, such a good father, you killed so much fun,
    As your Dad before you, day work, and sleep night.
    But whatever happens I won’t be like you.” …. GREAT! for message AND rhyme scheme! !
    [this poem belongs in my next ‘showcase’. do you agree? ]

    the last stanza: “I Honor The Man” could have been the title, but you also make it “AWFULly clear” that a great “Dad” he wasn’t. MY father was perhaps very similar [though he was a clerk and did not create jobs, but kept track of and paid the workers]. but my Mom was great as a Mom, and I had church and scouts, and sports and nature, AND, luckily I did not miss the ‘affection’ I never got from my Dad. [he did toss a ball around a bit with us; maybe after having 3 kids already, he was wearing down any ‘affection’ he had for his kids. Luckily I WAS a kid. I’m sorry you missed out! ! ]
    From a little you’ve told me, you have no children, but you reach out to help non-relatives in need. God, I mean Good, for you! !

    bri :)

  • POEM: Ph: Oklahoma: Father: Hidey Holes by Brian Johnston (4/27/2015 9:21:00 PM)

    i found one definition for suss out which works here; i was unfamiliar with the phrase. must be some ignorant Oklahoma talk!

    suss out: keep an eye on, watch over, watch, observe, follow - follow with the eyes or the mind
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    i was trying to follow the first stanza when it hit me: BJ is working on a complicated rhyme scheme. no wonder it is a bit funny to my mind (the text) . but ok, enough............, so far. i must be brilliant (brilliant bri guy) .

    It’s sloping back rest left a child sized retreat
 ...yeah, we had one i think, with the feet. you mean you hid between the outside of the sloping tub end and the wall, right? but drop the d++n apostrophe in It's; it should be Its, of course! ! ! apostrophe in subsequent Mom's is alright!

    favorite lines so far:

    “It’s sloping back rest left a child sized retreat

    That served me quite well until seven or eight.

    When arguments scared me or Mom’s tears would fall

    My cave offered shelter away from it all.

    A chance for the terrors of day to abate,
    
A child that’s not seen is quite hard to mistreat, ” …………. and nice rhymes!

    “folks’ “, for goodness sake [or is it goodness’s sake or goodness’ sake? I can’t know EVERYTHING! ! ! ]

    “………….scared me today……..” Without the comma after “me”, I misread this the first time, thinking something had scared you the day you wrote the poem, but that didn’t make a lot of sense. :)

    who was “naked” with you in that closet, boy? !

    “shelves/dissolves”…sort of a ‘visual rhyme’ at least!

    defense/innocence …… very nice!

    I especially liked:
    “While word of an adult can seal an affair,
    And a small child convict, who should be plaintiff.” …
    …..”GUILTY AS CHARGED! SEAL HIM UP! ”
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    FAVORITE stanza, by far:

    “If you are a parent please try to be true,
    Have faith in son’s training, trust him to do right,
    Your child’s not a stranger, don’t treat him as one,
    Don’t teach him to think and then childhood forbid.
    I might have been boy but was never a kid.
    Yes, such a good father, you killed so much fun,
    As your Dad before you, day work, and sleep night.
    But whatever happens I won’t be like you.” …. GREAT! for message AND rhyme scheme! !
    [this poem belongs in my next ‘showcase’. do you agree? ]

    the last stanza: “I Honor The Man” could have been the title, but you also make it “AWFULly clear” that a great “Dad” he wasn’t. MY father was perhaps very similar [though he was a clerk and did not create jobs, but kept track of and paid the workers]. but my Mom was great as a Mom, and I had church and scouts, and sports and nature, AND, luckily I did not miss the ‘affection’ I never got from my Dad. [he did toss a ball around a bit with us; maybe after having 3 kids already, he was wearing down any ‘affection’ he had for his kids. Luckily I WAS a kid. I’m sorry you missed out! ! ]
    From a little you’ve told me, you have no children, but you reach out to help non-relatives in need. God, I mean Good, for you! !

    bri :)

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