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Bri Edwards
Bri Edwards redwood city / United States, Male, 67
Profession :
retired usps clerk
Education :
quit college
8,667 Points

About Me : I think one of my high school English teachers gave me the only D I ever got on a postcard [gee, over a year after writing this bio i i have gone to edit it and find ... more »

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Poems Liked  
11/28/2014 4:55:25 PM
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Bri Edwards's last comments on poems and poets

  • POEM: Fairy Doors by Akhtar Jawad (5/25/2015 8:03:00 PM)

    “To make eyelids heavy and more exciting! ” …. you Pakistanis are so amazing! I never would have thought of poisoning a girl to make her more attractive. I’ll have to try it! thanks.

    some thoughts:
    for “loving” I might use “lovely”. I’m not sure what you mean EXACTLY, but ‘”loving” doesn’t seem quite right to my ears.

    for “thirst of beauty” I think I would use “thirst for beauty”. :)

    “Make much harm to the sweet beloved,
    We ultimately stop the outburst of beauty.” …. [again, while I’m not the poet here and don’t know exactly what you want to say (though it seems pretty clear to me after reading the whole poem) , I suggest something like this:
    “By causing harm to the sweet beloved, We ultimately stop the outburst of beauty.”

    “charms exploiting, “ ………… I’m uncertain how to interpret this. hmm?

    along with the nice illustration/photo, this poem does give good advice for conserving human and natural resources [NOT that a girl isn’t a ‘natural resource’ as well as a tree is ‘natural’! ]. I always try to keep my girls alive, and my trees, though I kind of let the trees take care of themselves.

    in the area of northern California, where I live, there are huge redwood trees which sometimes have naturally-hollowed out ‘stems’/trunks when they get very big. I have walked into one and it is like being in a roughly circular walk-in closet. the tree may well still be very alive, as long as the nutrients can still get from the roots to the upper parts of the tree along outer pathways; the inner portions of trees are quite ‘dead’ as far as I know. we also have some tourist attraction redwoods which vehicles can drive through, like through a tunnel; these I believe have been cut into with axes and saws, and people pay a small amount of money to drive threw them.
    but I like the poem, even if it may not be completely based on accurate science.

    my favorite stanza:

    “Please don’t poison the sweet girlfriend,
    Don’t make fairy doors in the friendly stems,
    She will die and her death we cannot afford,
    Life is dependent on the green earthly gems. “

    and thanks for a bit of rhyming also. I’ll send this to MyPoemList. AND I would be glad to put it into my May or June ‘showcase’. let me know if this is ok with you. I can use it even without any changes in it! !

    bri :)

  • POEM: Ghazal-Lagte Hain Bhaley by Akhtar Jawad (5/25/2015 7:36:00 PM)

    i could NOT have said this better, my friend! bri :)

  • POEM: Fish by Kelly Kurt (5/25/2015 1:52:00 PM)

    gee, Harry, below, is so sentimental. he probably enjoys 'love' poems also! ! !

    i've glanced at comments and NOW i'm reluctant to continue with mine, because it may be overkill! but HALF (about) are from YOU, so they don't count.


    i love to see the little fish
    upon my little dinner dish.
    i guess i am... just like Kelly;
    i love to feel fish in my belly.

    bri :)

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