Good poem dude - my side of black and deep. I think the rhyme holds your creative self back a bit. It feels contrived in that you are not quite saying what you want because you have to fit in the rhyme. It can feel quite liberating to let loose the constrictions of rhyme every so often and let the words flow in. Then again who am I to say - at the end of the day you are the one that counts. If you ever want to chat about poetry etc let me know and I will send you my msn.