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Ross Lakes Middletown / United States, Male, 65
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  • (12/19/2007 10:59:00 AM)

    yoonoos,

    Thanks for your encouragement on 'Birth' especially since I don't usually rhyme.

    I really love your poem on friendship. The lines are well thought out and beautifully worded. for example,
    So strong the faith in what's
    Good in man, not in his goods
    As the test of man's manhood.
    Says it as well as any I have read.

    I will make a suggestion. Remember, this is not an improvement, only an idea; reverse Not and to in the first line. I'm really not sure which way I like best... just a thought..

    I agree with Bell Martine on friendship. In fact, without friendship, love is (at best) double-decked infatuation iced, perhaps, by lust.

  • POEM: {{ 1-800 Number 2 Heaven }} by Linda I. Weischedel (12/7/2007 3:04:00 PM)

    My mom slipped away while she and Dad were watch TV one night 3 years ago, just before Christmas. He greives that day and calls me. Your poem touched me.

  • POEM: {{ 1-800 Number 2 Heaven }} by Linda I. Weischedel (12/7/2007 5:04:00 AM)

    yoonoos,

    You have some wonderful description, and a real flair for timing. Your metaphor is quite, good. But better punctuation will help guide the reader. I'm not trying to be a grammatical stick-in-the-mud, but 'Love' is a very good poem that needs to be polished and clarified a bit.

    thanks

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